Rock star doodle

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Story; Life of a Crippled

I lead a lonesome life and I guess that’s okay. I don’t really go out unless I plan it a week in advance. I try to make it worth the while but sometimes I just have to be around people. 

I go out a lot by myself. I come to realize it’s just better that way. I meet people where ever I end up. I sometimes even meet friends in these hole-in-the-wall places. Overall I just need to be around people.

I’ll go out just to talk to other humans. Is it worth it? I don’t know. It just depends on how drunk I am. Sometimes in my drunken stooper I’ll talk to them. Have a couple of drinks with them and maybe a night cap afterwards. If it’s worth it. 

 I’m going to start doing things by myself again. I kinda have to now. No-one is willing to hang out with a crippled, especially one in a wheelchair. I guess that’s what life is like when you’re born like this.

Sleeping

Yesterday I was in bed by 10 and I cried myself to sleep. I really need to STAY OFF THE FACEBOOK! I just don’t learn my lesson. I’m like a child that begs for her favorite candy but just doesn’t hear the word “NO” 

I feel cheated. I feel cheated because some people claim to be friends but in reality they are not. They just don’t have the balls to tell me to my face they don’t want to be friends and to leave them alone. But instead choose to pretend to be friends just so they don’t have to “break up” with me. They run around with other people and then when their conscience finally gets the better of them that’s when they choose to call me and ask “if it’s okay to come over.” Because after all we’re friends? Right? And I’m the stooge so it’s okay to do that. Why do I keep picking these type of people as friends?

Feeling Unwanted

The day my Baby Panther passed away a.k.a. my cat I filled the tub with water and I submerged my entire body in the water in great hopes that the water would take me away. As I felt myself being taken away by the water I came up for air and was crying because I wanted to be with him. This is how I feel today.

He was my only true friend. He loved me unconditionally and he didn’t care that I am a cripple. He was happy to see me everyday and he always made sure I was safe. I miss him so much.

I often wonder what would have happened if I would’ve let the water take me away. Would I have been reunited with him? Is it too late to contemplate suicide at my age? Do people really miss each other when someone dies?

Lonely Old women

I really am a lonely old woman. I literally have no one to hang out with. I will occasionally step outside to let the light hit my face or to go to a live show or two but to say I have friends I could not. I have no friends. I have a hard time connecting with people. I don’t know how to. It’s very hard for me to get people to actually like me because I really don’t trust anybody. And I really hate it when people tell me that’s it’s sad I do things by myself. Well here’s an idea, how about people stop being BACK STABBERS and I won’t have to do things by myself, how about for once in their lives they tell me the about how they really feel about me instead of being compulsive liars and sneaks.

Some kind of Happiness

I have to have some kind of happiness in my life.  There is absolutely NO happiness in my life. Everytime I open my facebook I see that somebody is being happy with somebody else. I hate my life. I really wish God would not have made me this way. I wish I had someone that would talk to me and want to hang out with me and just be my friend. I need somebody like that. I’m such a loser. When am I ever going to learn? NEVER Why am I like this? Why doesn’t God answer me? Why am I not allowed to be happy? I wish I could just rip my own veins open just so I wouldn’t have to live like this anymore! Am I not good enough to be happy? I deserve to be to happy. Do I really need to be happy? Is it ever going to happen for me? WHEN IS IT MY TURN TO BE HAPPY?